He's strapped to a chair in the middle of a darkened conference room. My PowerPoint presentation is ready to roll, and I've included passages from my latest WIP. I run my laser pointer along the green squiggly line beneath the sentence on screen.
"This is not a fragment!" I yank the ball gag from his mouth. "Say it, Mr. Gates."
He pants and turns away.
"Bill! Up here! Do you see that noun?"
He nods, his odd bowl-cut hair style making him look more like a bobble-head figurine than the most the powerful man in the techno world.
"And do you see this verb?" He squints. I slap my riding crop across the screen. "This verb is functioning as the predicate." He nods, but slower this time.
"I asked your annoying little paper clip friend to explain this, and he said, 'If the words marked are an incomplete thought, consider...adding a subject or verb....' Hell-o! Am I missing something here?"
"No, Miss Laura."
"Then what are you going to do about this?"
"Tweak?" I ran my hand down his shirt, found a nipple, and did a little tweak of my own.
"Yes, Miss Laura."
"Damn straight, you'd better tweak." I uncuffed him.
Word 2006 ver.LB was delivered to my doorstep the very next day...
Join me next week, when I bitch-slap Bill for changing my spelling when I damn sure know it's right...
(Yeah, I know. I can turn this feature off, but it's saved my ass a few times. Oy! What's a girl to do???)