I was prepared to be upset about this birthday, but I'm feeling pretty good on the night before this special day - a special day celebrated all around the world by... me. And generally I don't celebrate birth-days - I have birthday months or birthday weeks. My husband seems to think I'm getting too old to drag the event out over a long period of time anymore, so I cheer quietly when no one's in the room and eat lots of cake when no one's looking.
As some of you may know, I've got a pirate fetish. (Truthfully, I'm not quite sure what that means - maybe I'm attracted to peg legs and parrots and mouths ravaged by scurvy.) While looking for my daughter's birthday stuff in Party America, I happened upon the pirate aisle:
"Why don't you have a pirate birthday, hon?" I asked with a straight face. And I tried very hard to keep the puppy-dog eyes in check.
"No, mom. I want something else."
"But pirates are cool! Look at this pirate hat! And this amazing shark pinata! We could stuff it with chocolate doubloons. Wouldn't that be great?!"
My husband patted me on the shoulder. "Um, Laura..."
"We're shopping for Heather's party."
"Laura, you're not having a party."
"But I could have a party."
"Hon, you know all of five people up here. Who would you invite?"
Good question. Too bad I don't know a motley crew of sea-going lads dressed in frilly shirts, tight breeches, and tall leather boots. But if you know of any, send 'em my way in three years. I'll be celebrating my [undisclosed number]th then - and hubby promised me a pirate party!
So I guess it's a good thing Ruthie's Club is having a Pirate Fest starting April 10th. Look for my bit o' flash called "Twenty Lashes" and my humorous short story entitled "Captain Jack Goes Straight. Well, Sort Of..." Trust me - he does no such thing!
Since I can't surround myself with taut 20-something male booty tomorrow, I wonder if I'll get a birthday spanking. If so I'll get plenty of whacks! [Undisclosed number], to be exact. ;)