It's been a helluva week. Back to work after a not-so-relaxing vacation, working through lunch, staying late at work, drama at work... I need a drink. Maybe even five. And maybe I'll throw a little sex in at the end.
1. If you haven't tried Voyant Chai Cream Liqueur (750 ml Bottle/$22.99), go out and get some tonight. You can drink it straight, or use it for all sorts of exotic martinis.
- 3 oz Voyant Chai Cream Liqueur
- Splash of Vanilla Vodka
- 1 oz Coffee Liqueur
Combine ingredients over ice in a shaker and shake well. Strain into a chilled martini glass and garnish with a few coffee beans.
2. Here's another with Voyant:
HAZELNUT CHAI HEAVEN
- 2 oz Voyant Chai Cream Liqueur
- 1/2 oz White Crème De Cacao
- 1 oz Frangelica Hazelnut Liqueur
- 1/2 oz Orgeat (Almond) Syrup
- 1/2 oz Aged Rum
Dip martini glass in chocolate syrup then into saucer with crushed nuts (preferably hazelnuts). Combine ingredients with ice in a shaker. Shake well and strain into rimmed martini glass. Garnish with a little whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
3. Here's a fun one from Martiniart.com, which bills itself as "your one-stop source for everything martini". The recipe below is mucho appropriate for me this week.
CRAZY IN DA COCONUT MARTINI
This martini concoction has a bit of a tropical island flair. If you can't seem to get away for a nice vacation, perhaps this martini will be a worthy substitute.
- 6 ounces of freezing Van Hoo vodka.
- 1 fresh Mexican vanilla bean. If you can't find the Mexican variety, you can use a Madagascar vanilla bean, which is most common.
- 1 tablespoon of cream of coconut.
- 1 teaspoon of fresh coconut flakes.
Add a few drops of the cream of coconut to 2 freezing martini glasses, and put them back in the freezer until called upon. Carefully slice the vanilla bean lengthwise and scrape the insides into a shaker 3/4 full of cracked ice. Drop the vanilla bean into the shaker. The remaining cream of coconut goes into the shaker. A good full minute of shaking (stirring is not an option here). Strain your martini into the glasses in which you've added the cream of coconut. Top each glass with a few coconut flakes. Spin a good Latin rhythm and enjoy!
4. Since I love Voyant and autumn is around the corner, here's another from their website.
VOYANT PUMPKIN CHAI MARTINI
- 3 oz Voyant Chai Cream Liqueur
- A dash or two of Ground Cinnamon
- 1 oz Vanilla Vodka
- Add some Pumpkin Puree if desired
Dip martini glass in chocolate syrup then into orange sugar crystals and then chocolate sprinkles. Combine ingredients (including the ground cinnamon) with ice in a shaker. Shake Well and strain into the rimmed martini glass. Garnish with some ground cinnamon and a cinnamon stick.
5. And of course there's the recipe for a classic martini, which varies ever so slightly according to the sources I consulted when writing the short story "Martini Girl" for an erotica antho called Screaming Orgasms and Sex on the Beach. This book includes about twenty cocktail-related stories (recipes included!). According to editor Shanna Germain, "From the down-and-dirty Flying Fuck, Blow Job and Martini Girl to the sweet Rain Man and Beau Nouveau, these stories will arouse not just your body, but your taste buds." Look for it later this year in print from Pretty Things Press. Until then here's the recipe and a taste:
- 2 jiggers dry gin
- 1/2 jigger dry vermouth
Put ingredients over ice in cocktail shake. Shake vigorously and pour into a well chilled cocktail glass
A girl walks into a bar and the girl is me, and I really need a drink because it’s been a helluva day. Martini Joe’s is crowded tonight but I’m a regular so I wave the bartender my way and ask, “Can you make me a martini? A classic—none of that fruity crap.”
He cups his ear, but before I can shout out my order again, the hot guy beside me butts in. “I can make you a martini,” he says, “if you can take off your clothes.”
“Whoa, buddy. I just got here.” And although I’m desperate for a drink and hoping to get laid tonight, I hadn’t planned to move quite so fast.
He grins. “Believe it or not, I wasn’t talking about sex.” He extends his hand. “My name’s Jake. Jake Rice.”
Jake Rice. Jake Rice... I’d heard the name before, but can’t place it. He clues me in as my palm presses into his. “You may have heard my name. I’m a photographer.”
Ah. I’d heard his name all right. At the ad agency where I work, he’d been brought on to do design work on a national campaign for a new winemaker. The photos he came up with were the kind of naughty, freaky shit we could only place in magazines for men. We talked about that project for months after it was done...
“I’m Olivia Juarez.” His hand is warm and strong. He’d be a good screw. I don’t want to let go. “And I’ve seen your work.” He grins wider, so I add, “There’s no way in hell I’ll get naked for your photos.”
“Then can I paint you?”
I look away. The images he’d come up with flashed into my head. Naked women with perfect pink pussies. Dark drips of Cab or Merlot splashed onto pert pale asses. And grapes, of course. Grapes capping off nipples and clits. Whole clusters hanging from labia rings or draped over cocks being sucked by luscious red female lips...
When I’d described the pictures to my friends, they didn’t see the appeal. Then the ads hit the stands and I showed them. They all agreed: this was hot kinky stuff, the stuff of fantasies. The stuff of my fantasies. I still have the mags in my panty drawer—right next to my vibrator—to prove it.
“Buy me that drink, and we’ll talk.”
* * *
Cheers and enjoy your weekend!