Friday, August 03, 2007

Laura's Friday Five: Why Hardware Turns Me On

Everyone's doing those cool Thursday Thirteen blog posts and dammit I can never think of 13 things. So I saw some place talk about a Friday Five. This is more my speed. And for my first Friday Five I thought I'd blather on about something near and dear to my heart... the sexual appeal of hardware.

1. When my then-boyfriend/now-husband and I were impoverished art students, a trip to the hardware store was a date. We'd find whatever stuff we needed--wood for canvas, heavy duty staples, that kind of thing--and roam around Lowe's or HQ for a while afterwards just touching stuff and seeing if it would work for our 3-D class. I'd gaze lovingly at the large rolls of thick steel chain and wonder how much it'd cost if I bought enough for him to wrap me in it from head to toe. Hardware stores have some big-ass chain. I'm drooling as I type.

2. There are pervertibles galore in hardware stores. Nails poking out between knuckles can be scraped along the arches of your feet or the tender insides of your thighs. Not enough to break skin, but just enough to know it could happen. Pliers for nipples, spring clamps and vises... the list goes on and on.

3. In a crowded aisle, the scent of hard-working construction types lingers. Lean in close to ask their advice and breathe in deeply.

4. Those free wooden paint stirrers are good for a quick warm-up before a full-fledged paddling. Grab a couple because they break easily ;)

5. Two words: Cable ties. Wrists, ankles, nipples, cocks--the hardware store offers a variety of size to help you secure any body part needing a little constriction. As always, safety first; you don't to damage anything by restricting blood flow for too long.

Whew! I made it to five. That was easier than I thought. Tune in next Friday for whatever the hell I decide to yack about.


Emily Veinglory said...

It's hard to find a real hardware store these days. [sigh]. hard-ware.

Kate Willoughby said...

I'm with you, Laura. I do Thursday 3 because 13 is just too time consuming. I don't want to have to think that hard! And I really hate when people cheat by saying, "8. Did I mention whips and chains? and 11. Oh, and, of course, whips and chains."

So I decided to be up front about it and just do THREE. :D

Laura Bacchi said...

Hi, Em. They are getting tougher to find.

Glad you don't think I'm lazy, Kate :) Maybe I should've done a Friday Four....